Midlife crisis

OK.. It is official...

I am in the middle of a midlife crisis.

When I heard of those in the past I always had these visions of deep and painful drama but, at least in my case, that is not what it feels like at all.

I suppose... Being 45 is like being on the top of a mountain, I feel strong and in charge, I finally know who I am, what I am crap at and what I am quite good at, I don't constantly criticise myself with everything I do or if I look into the mirror, occasionally I am even able to tell myself 'you are O.K.'

So... to me, what a midlife crisis feels like is 'what now?'

Is this actually the top of the mountain? Is this the height of the party and is it time to leave? Is this the top of the mountain and should I now go for the leisurely walk down on the other side of the mountain? Or is this one of those tops from which you can see the top of the next mountain?
It's my job you see... it is nice.. I have a nice colleague I work with who has taught me all he knew about Lotus Notes, DB2, Approach and so much more. All my technical bits have been rattled and cuddled and refreshed and I feel replete. This is about how much technical info I will ever want or need. I will always be a user, never a developer, I do not have the ambition really, I do like fixing things which makes me sometimes come across as a developer I suppose....

This job is also so nice because I get to work from home, which I love.. I like the being able to work in jimjams if I want to and the fact that I can go to the beach for lunch, it is lovely to follow my own energy all day. And not only that, it allows me to work from Holland occasionally, it can't get better than that!

BUT.... I miss working in a team, having meaningful contacts, doing something with 'all of us'. And.. they don't pay me enough, I feel undervalued.

So... what now.. should I just take all the upsides (nice colleague, work from home), accept that perfection does not exist and 'sit it out' until John and I ride into the retirement sunset?

Or do I go for it? Am I going to go through all these horrifying processes like job interviews and assessments to get a job outside of this BAC and go work for another one for a few more years to try and get some of my currently unused bits active again?

Or will it just be jumping into the fire?

See.. and that is why it is called a midlife crisis.. because no matter how often I ask myself that question, the answer doesn't seem to come!

(disclaimer: I am totally and fully aware that this 'crisis' is nothing more than a very luxury problem :-)!)