Gosh..

Dooce did it again...

I don't know why so many things she talks about ring a bell in me. This time she wrote about an aunt of her who has been diagnosed with breast cancer, an excerpt:

Finally, today my mother’s sister, my Aunt Lola, is having a mastectomy. She was diagnosed with breast cancer only a few weeks ago, and this has affected me in truly surprising ways. I am of course deeply saddened and torn apart that this has happened to her and what this means for her body, for the way she has to live the rest of her life, for the years that may have already been cut from her life. At the same time this is bad news for the rest of the women in my family who have up until now enjoyed the luxury of telling our primary care physicians that no one in our family has ever suffered breast cancer. The magnitude of what this means for us is still unknown, and that frankly terrifies me in almost indescribable ways. It is that terror that surprises me, but it is also that terror that has renewed in me a devotion to keeping myself healthy, a devotion to celebrating my heritage while at the same time fighting what that heritage could possibly mean.

Not only do I love her use of the English language but the feeling.. is SO recognisable.

I felt like that, my grandparents of my mothers side both died of heartattacks, my grandad at 72 and my grandmother at 86. My fathers parents I never really knew, if I remember correctly granddad died in a road accident (which is unfortunate but not hereditary :-)) and my grandmother I believe at an old age but suffered from rheuma. Which thank God doesn't seem to have gone down the gene line. Phew!

Anyway... I recognise the terror... About 7 years or so ago one of my mums sisters was diagnosed with what the doctors thought was an appendix. She was treated in the same hospital as she worked in a PR position and was loved to bits by everyone there. I never forget my mum calling me in hysterics when I was at work saying 'Ria has cancer'. They operated on her and could do nothing more than close her again, there was nothing they could do for her and within a matter of weeks she died, colon cancer. It is horrific what the disease does, absolutely excruciating to see someone you love succumb to the pain, being pumped with more and more morfine to stave off the pain until the body finally gives up. Awful.

WHY? For months I kept on thinking that.. and I felt the same terror as Dooce describes. The feeling I always had of 'oh well dying of a heartattack can't be fun but at least it is quick' and the satisfaction of crossing out all the awful illnesses which can run in a family when I had to get a new GP was gone. Cancer happened in our family.

And WHY? She seemed healthy, she seemed aware of food and what was good and bad for a person? She didn't share her feelings with anyone though, maybe that was it, maybe she... I ran through all of these things in my mind for years until I reached the only conclusion I could reach.

It *can* happen to me. It can happen to all of us. And I can only do what is in my power which is trying to take care of my body by brisk walking at least 5 times a week and eating 2 fruit and 3 portions of vegetables, eat more fibre, eat less fat, eat more fish, eat less red meat, eat only wholegrain.

And failing miserably some days, of course ;)

As you know, I love being this age but sometimes... I long back to the days of way back when when I didn't even realise 'these things' could happen to me, because youth prevents you from seeing any danger and 'what am I going to wear to this weeks party' is a lot more important.