Life after "happily ever after"

Of course...

Even though life here is absolutely fantastic and I believe I am walking the path I was meant to walk I have moments I struggle to take it all in.

Like what the f*ck happened to me?

Only 6 years ago I made a life changing decision to move to Scotland with the man of my dreams.. I felt so deeply for the man... (and still do, lets be very clear about that) I remember talking to him through email ... like 10.000 mails in 3 years ;-)) and thinking "this is it, if they throw us in a cave and we never see anyone else again it will be absolutely fine"

For me it was totally clear, I was embarking on a 'happily ever after' - I mean..... I had seen enough romcoms and read enough soppy books to just KNOW that that was where I was heading and life was good and clear.

And to be fair.. Scotland did feel like a cave a bit and that wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.

So what was it?

What changed the feeling of 'throw us in a cave and we will never be bored with each other again'?

I think in short, life happened.

I have seen many many romcoms after the feeling of the cave subsided and it started to dawn on me that those films always stop on the moment the conflict has been solved and the start of happily ever after. Sometimes maybe you would see flashes of pregnant bellies and fenced gardens in idyllic villages (bit like where I lived I suppose :-)) to show how nice happily ever after is.

But nobody shows the years down the road where life is repeating itself over and over and each partner starts concentrating on whatever works for them and not so much on each other. Since the relationship was formed in a 'living happily ever after' fashion instead of the (as I have done in the past) 'not so sure if this is forever' fashion I think we didn't give it the attention it deserved and got complacent.

So.. for years I thought that that was it.. no more men for me, just this one. Which was a very weird feeling and also one that is not highlighted a lot in those romantic comedies or soppy books. Do you know how strange it is to know you would never fall in love again, never have sex with anybody else again? Well.. that is how I entered the relationship anyway.

Now.. all the way in Holland, Scotland seems very far away and every day I feel more and more detached of my life there and the happily ever after that never was.

Which leaves me a bit ..empty..

Like.. not only did the happily ever after not work, I am now severely doubting if it even exists at all, even worse, if I still want it!

So.. a shattered dream and no hope to ever dream that one again because I just don't want to live in the same house with someone else again!!

Is that the price you pay for getting older? And more rigid? I want to do my own thing, I want to be anal about how my house looks, I want to keep it tidy and cosy and I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it, I want to listen to music and not irritate anybody with it, I want to watch all those silly 'throw one person out a week' tv programs without feeling guilty of being perceived superficial.

I have had these discussions with others who then tell me that I could have a separate room in the same house and go there if I want to do these things for myself but I can just see how that would work, it would feel like I don't want to be with that person (which technically would be true) and then I would feel guilty about that again!

Nope.. for me LAT is the only way to go from now.. Living Apart Together, heard of it?

I never realised this is a purely Dutch invention, because the acronym is English I assumed it was universal but no.. To prove it really exists: http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latrelatie

And as I read now, even Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir did it...

So... any tips on how to find my Sartre?