The End

This month 6 years ago I moved to Scotland with the love of my life.
I wrote about living in a village, I wrote about more boring stuff that I care to remember.
I wrote about going back to Holland and what to do next after "living happily ever after the Cinderella way" failed.

and now.. I am all written out.

I am happy, I am back, life is good, I get enormous pleasure out of the simplest things in life because I feel I am exactly in the right place at the right time at this time of my life.

If I had problems in the past to think of things to write about in this blog, it has become even harder because of how happy I am with my life now and because of the socially unacceptable way I live my life which makes it impossible for me to share it publically.

I hope that that invoked some nice mental images for you, a dirty mind is a joy forever.

It was fun while it lasted, this period is over, done, dusted, finished and I want rid of this constant niggling feeling of 'should write something because someone might be dissappointed if I don't write for that long'.

Freedom rules! :-) Enjoy! xx Tanja

Leona Lewis - Take a Bow

The flowers are faded now, along with your letters
They will never see the light of day, cause I'll never take them out
There's no turning back, it's for the better
Baby I deserve more then empty words and promises
I believed every thing you said, and I gave you the best I had

So take a bow, 'cause you've taken everything else
You played the part, like a star you played it so well
Take a bow, 'cause the scene is coming to an end
I gave you love, all you gave me was pretence, so now take a bow

The future's about to change, before you know it,
The curtain closes, take a look around,
There's no one in the crowd, I'm throwing away the pain,
And you should know that your performance made me strong enough

So take a bow, 'cause you've taken everything else
You played the part, like a star you played it so well
Take a bow, 'cause the scene is coming to an end
I gave you love, all you gave me was pretence, so now take a bow

Well it must have been sleight of hand, 'cause I still can't understand
Why I could never see, just what a fool believes
But the lies they start to show, tell me how does it feel to know right now
That I wont be around, so baby before I put you out

Take a bow, 'cause you've taken everything else
You played the part, like a star you played it so well
Take a bow, 'cause the scene is coming to an end
I gave you love, all you gave me was pretend till now, so take a bow

Lights are on, but nobody is home

Well..

Talking about challenging...

Last week I had one of my dates in Amsterdam, one of those 'from another planet' dates. I love those other planets so that was not the problem. The planet I visit with this guy is one of the exciting kind, one where you get out of your normal slacks put on a sexy skirt with some holdups and sexy heels. Well... we aim to please after all!

Interesting detail is of course that my office is in Amsterdam, I hardly ever go there since I am a homeworker and who would want to be in traffic for about 4 hours a day? So not me. BUT.. when one has a date in the same city the office is in, suddenly it seems to make sense.

So.. I took all my sexy gear and stuffed it in a rucksack to get changed in at the end of the day. Took my lovely little Peugeot and went on my merry way to Amsterdam, it is almost weird to drive, I hardly do it, I am just too happy being able to cycle and I try to do that when it is dry (happens so much here!). Amsterdam is a tad too far though. The trip went great, went through a tunnel with those signs 'put on your lights' so I was being really obedient and then got distracted by the big planes everywhere must be Schiphol close.

Parked the car on the parkingdeck, used my park pass for the first time and felt so part of it all and jumped out of the car ready for a (can you feel a.. ) brand new day :-)

Anyway, after having had a great socially productive day, quickly wind forward to the end of it.

So.. I squeezed myself into my ever so tight skirt, ripped a holdup, cursed, got too hot in the small toilet cubicle but still after applying some makeup I thought I looked as good as it was going to get and took my sexy ass hiding under my very sensible wintercoat outside, praying I wouldn't bump into a colleague who would spot I changed from sensible slacks into sexy pins and get all sort of interesting mental images I didn't want to be a part of.

Humming 'I feel pretty' I half danced (yeah right, not on those heels I tell ya!) to the car, pressed my remote central locking security thing and NOTHING HAPPENED!!!!!

OH MY GOD.. pressing frantically now and thinking about my date who was waiting for me about 15 minute drive from where I was and couldn't get to now.

I suddenly didn't feel the cold anymore at all and started to look around trying to charm anyone into jump starting me. No chance though.. I think I must have asked about 50 colleagues but they all didn't have jumpleads. Normally I would have thought they just didn't want to help me but I got the idea that my attire did provide the motivation but they just didn't have the means due to all their cars being lease cars and them telling me 'just call the lease company' :-)

Pushing wasn't an option either because of the immobiliser that is in the car too so there was nothing left to do but call the AA and come clean with mr Date.

Not nice.. but.. I must say, they were both wonderful, mr AA said I am coming to save you and mr Date told me that he would come to keep me company while waiting since there was more traffic than I have even ever seen before.

It took about a very long half hour but then first mr AA made me very happy by starting my car up again and just when I thought I would have to drive about a 1000 times around the car park mr Date arrived, stepped into the car and made it all better.

I will leave the rest of the mental images all to your own dirty minds. :-)

Note to self, ask brother to repair 'lights on' warning sound.

Ships that pass in the night

What a day...

It was great, today was sauna day.

Every once in a while, about 3 times a year my friend and I visit the sauna.
Oh no.. immediately drop any idea about 1 cabin and 1 swimmingpool.. this is more a sauna experience than just sauna.

This sauna has about 20 different cabins with sauna's and steamrooms of all different temperatures, herbs, humidity etc, there is something for everybody.

After each ritual of getting really hot and then really cold it is fantastic to sit in the leisure room and chill while drinking a nice glass of wine (bit naughty of course, should be only water or juice but eh, it is just so nice and decadent to drink alcohol in your bathrobe :-)) and have some good food.

And that is when it happened... quite close to me a nice young man (well I would class him as a boy really although he would probably not agree) looking very much like Brad Pitt, I could hardly keep my eyes off him but of course pretended to read the very boring magazine I had in my hands.

Luckily we were unable to find someone to bring us that nice glass of alcohol (in his case a beer which made him even more of a real man, all the Brad Pitt vibes vibrated even louder, amazing what things can have that effect) so we had something to moan about together, always nice to start up conversation.

He was absolutely fascinating.. talk about other planets... after his story about how he broke his leg in 15 places while snowboarding and caught in an avalanche I told him about being so proud that I could actually make it from point A to point B without hurting myself. He then shared how he loved parapenting (when I of course had to ask what that was) and waveboarding (well knew that one) so I shared my absolute hate for anything even close to sport.

As you can tell we were bonding nicely in the nothing in common whatsoever but blimey you are sexy sort of way.

Anyway he also said he was married and had a little baby.

Damn.

So.. we went our marry way. I thought.

My friend and I went to get our towels and I bumped into him. Phew.. hot in here...

Then we went into a sauna and 2 minutes later he followed, it was hot already but add Brad Pitt and it was really smouldering. Of course.. with his robe off he was even more perfect than I had imagined and felt VERY self conscious about my rubanesk figure sprawled all over the wooden bench trying to pretend I didn't notice him.

Well... I think it wouldn't have been more obvious if somebody would have shouted 'those 2 fancy eachother'. My goodness.. chemistry galore!

After a nice cold shower, one has to follow the rituals after all, I thought there you go, never gona see him again (after all, this sauna is more busy than Alton Towers in summer, the chance that you meet somebody twice or in this case thrice is not THAT big with so many different saunas available), lets go for my massage and forget it.

OK.. this is quite easy to guess isn't it.. how energies sometimes move together even if they don't want to? I walk to the massage department and bump into him again.. thank God he had his robe on that time. We were standing about 2 cm apart saying what a pity it was but that I was going home after the massage and all I could think was 'I really want to touch you now' which made making conversation quite hard. Told him thanks for the nice talks we had and he told me it was a pity I had to go. Yeah right!!

Pfff...

So.. surely that was it? I had a nice massage and went home.

Sure.. unfortunately that was actually it.. apart from the fact that right before I really went into the lockerroom to get dressed again I bumped into him AGAIN and I started to think that Eric or whoever was just having a laugh today.

This time all we could do really is look eachother in the eye and in my case think of what could be if I would just say my name and tell him I am on facebook.

Didn't though.. of all the ships that pass in the night.. he was one I would have loved to take a cruise on, with, in, under? Oh whatever... never gona happen... just sweet dreams...

Did I tell you he graduated at uni as a shipbuilder? :-)

Living with Kevin..

...is fascinating.

He gives me such an interesting insight in a man's brain.

On a daily basis he tells me:

'Mum, I am a man, we do not understand subtle hints'

if I say things like 'Is there any cola left' :-)

How did he know I really meant 'can you get me some' :-)

I thought my communication was generally quite direct but I suppose I got Brittified! In Britland it is not done to be that direct I felt so my communication has become a bit more gentle, a bit more beating around the bush.

Kevin re-teaches me the Dutch way and I love it, there is nothing more healthy than to live with someone that age where they start to develop their own view of the world but still have those childlike properties like blatant honesty. It does help of course that he has my genes.

Anyway, beware, no more pussyfooting around, no more subtle hints, just... straight talking :-)

Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft

Well...

I have met the guy on the other planet.

VERY interesting indeed.

The conclusion is that it so does not matter if what you both want is the same, which I am happy to say was the case between us. :-)

Having said that.. I do think the level of feeling that you are walking on eggshells is a bit higher.

What I notice is that it almost feels like each planet use their own dictionary where words or phrases mean almost the same but not quite. A bit like a dialect where you can understand eachother most of the time but 20% of the time you need to ask 'what did you say' and in this case there was a lot of 'what do you mean by that' or 'why did that remark invoke that reaction' :-)

But also, fascinating, it is great to be able to take a peek in a world that is so not mine, where money is no object and a different 5 star hotel in another city each week a normality and to realise that the life I always thought would be so great because of the status, freedom and the decadence can actually be quite lonely and boring.

As he put it.. a room is a room, a bed is a bed and sometimes the desk is a bit nicer than in the other room but it is just a place to sleep. The novelty of the little shampoos, bath-gels and showercaps wears off very quickly as well apparently (can't imagine that so guess who is a lucky girl :-)) and personally I would get very frustrated of all the waiting for trains, planes and automobiles.

We are enjoying the intergalactic sharing though and I am enjoying every second.

So... Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft I am, I want to have peeks on more planets, it is good fun!

Resumes can be put into the comments of this blog.

Apprehension

This internetdating is good fun you know.

But.. it does make a person slightly emotional unstable because of all the excitement :-)

It is almost time for another 'first time' meeting.

And this time it is as scary as exciting since this guy seems to come from another planet.

Did I tell you about my other planet theory? Generally you meet people because you for instance work at the same job, attend the same school, have your kids at the same school etc.
Most of the time when you meet new people in those areas of life you sort of know and understand them, they do jobs you can identify with (they work in just another office for instance and when they say their jobtitle you think oh yeah, heard of that). Maybe sometimes you will see people that are a bit different but then they do something you understand like make art and you can't help think 'loser'. :-)

And then sometimes.. you just meet someone and even though you have a nice conversation you think 'I can't seem to get onto your planet', their experiences in the world are then so different from yours that you just can't seem to identify but also can't walk away because it is as fascinating as it is weird.

I know that John and I suffered from that, people would look into our lives and we would just feel they could not get onto our planet. We know for a fact that we have been called weirdo's because of that which always made us titter because for us the way we lived was just right. But yeah, different from most.

:-)

So.. this newest internet dating meeting is going to be with a guy that I just can't grasp. I mean I am clever enough to understand what he actually does and where he comes from but I feel that when we talk we really really like eachother but also can't quite place eachother because we have never met somebody like us.

So I think.. this can go two ways can't it, we either love eachother to bits and can't stop sharing so we get a link between those planets or we look at eachother and think 'you're weird'.

Scary.. because then.. what do you do if you have been writing for months digitally and shared deep emotions (and things!) and look at eachother in real life and think weirdo? Do you grab yourself in the neck and say 'get over yourself, get to know the guy, you know he is nice'. Or do you say 'sorry, I don't feel the connection, I am going home'?

Or doesn't it matter anymore this actual physical meeting when you have connected in the mind?

So many questions, so few answers until it has actually happened of course :-)

Well... if nothing else this is going to be a very interesting social experiment!